What to do when someone you love is on a psychiatric ward...

Being on a psychiatric unit is far from 'fun' (obviously). It's a very... 'alien' environment to get used to, and being uprooted from everything you know and being plonked on a ward in a small room with a single bed and a waterproof mattress on top of being unwell isn't easy to adjust to.

But what do you say to someone who's in a psychiatric hospital? What do you 'do'? It's strange but not many people know in my personal opinion. Heck, if I'm honest, would I have known what to do if it was someone else in my shoes? I'm not sure. It's not like a general hospital where you go in, get a clear cut diagnosis and receive treatment (note - I'm not suggesting being in a general hospital is any easier!).

This little blog post is dedicated to what I think may help to do when someone you love is on a psychiatric ward...

1. Send a get well card (or even just a small note they can keep).

Being in hospital is extremely lonely. The walls are bare, the rooms are tiny and you don't have all those home comforts you're used to. So if someone you know is staying in a psychiatric hospital, send them a get well card or a note they can pop up on their wall.

I was very lucky and had some beautiful pictures and photos sent to me. It made so much of a difference waking up and them being the first thing I see each day. The picture below was one of many sent by my cousin.

2. Appreciate that sometimes they may not be up to visitors. 

Night checks four times an hour. Very early mornings. Medication changes that make you tired one minute and buzzy the next. It can be exhausting being on a psychiatric ward and sometimes, all that someone might need is their bed and some rest. Don't be offended by this - if this individual was ill from the flu or was on strong painkillers that made them drowsy for a physical ailment, we wouldn't think twice about leaving them to recuperate.  

3. Don't keep them out of the loop about what's going on 'outside'. 

Keeping someone who is in hospital out of the loop about what's been happening with the family, how things have been at work or even what you've been up to may be considered as patronising for someone in hospital. If things are changing 'outside' then keep them updated with the intention to avoid any unsettling surprises for when they leave hospital. This comes with a side note, mind you - if what you have to say could be particularly detrimental to their recovery, then perhaps discuss with the individuals closest family member first, or even a member of staff in the hospital. 

My ward had Peer Support Workers who were approachable and a valuable tool for friends and family who visited me, particularly as they would be able to provide a listening ear and advice where appropriate. You can find out more about Peer Support by clicking here. 

4. Consider getting involved with activities with them (if appropriate and available!).

Most wards will have puzzles, art tools or maybe even outdoor walks for inpatients. It can be a lovely experience to do an activity with a loved one who's in a psychiatric unit as a reminder that you can still share a good time together despite the environmental situation. Plus, days on wards can seem long if you're a patient, so it's a great way to pass time, stay active, and hopefully there will be some smiling in the process. It could even be as simple an act as watching the TV together and having a hug.

Puzzles are my new found hobby all thanks to being in hospital. When my family visited, I was often stuck in the midst of one, surrounded by puzzle pieces with my concentration face on. I found getting lost in them incredibly therapeutic (though on bad days I found myself quick to get angry with them!) and I've continued to do puzzles since leaving. Below is a picture of me in hospital with my sister getting stuck in to the puzzle (and subsequently nearly finishing it...) and her girlfriend. 

5. It's okay to ask how they are - just don't expect the response you'd hoped for. 

I was lucky - my family are relatively open about my mental illnesses now and I've started to find it easier to open up to them about how I'm truly feeling without them judging me. But for others, it's not as straightforward. The impression I get is that some people just don't want to ask if a loved one on a psychiatric unit is okay. Or if they do, they expect a 'yeah, not bad, you know' and a swift move on. But please ask. And ask each time. But only if you are prepared for a genuine response. Some individuals may not want to open up about how they're feeling and instead, they merely want to enjoy your company. Accept and respect that. But also accept that sometimes, an individual may turn around and go 'no actually, I've been feeling a bit crap and I'm not sure what to do about it.' At that point, go grab a cuppa and listen. 

6. Get the facts. 

Leading on from number five... there's nothing wrong with doing a bit of research if you feel it will help. There's fantastic resources on the Time To Change website to help start those initial conversations about mental health. If you want to know more about a certain medication, the NHS Choices website has a guide to medicines and drugs. Perhaps you want to understand a loved ones diagnosis? Mind has an invaluable guide to different types of mental health problems as well as lots of other useful tools across their site. 

It's a bit cliché for some, but I believe in it - knowledge is power. Knowing more about a loved ones illness can potentially provide comfort to both you and the individual who's going through it. 

7. Let's be honest - now's probably not a good time to go in and talk about your issues.

Right. This one might seem a bit harsh, but it has to be said. Going in and talking to a loved one about your problems probably isn't going to be too helpful for a loved one in hospital. Hospital in itself, for a lot of people, is actually a traumatic experience. Not only are they having to deal with being particularly unwell but they're also in a strange environment and having to cope with that. Being burdened with someone else's dilemmas can be extremely unhelpful, and in some cases, harmful to their recovery. One thing that I'm slowly starting to learn is that self-care is not selfish, and instead necessary for survival. Many individuals in hospital will be learning the same thing with many therapeutic programmes encouraging self-care and spending the time to look after oneself as a priority. 

8. Leaving hospital does not mean 'cured'. 

If you break your leg, you go to hospital. When you leave, is that leg better? No. Sure there may be pain relief to make it easier, but now you have a cast on for six weeks, potentially some physio for the next few months. Heck, your leg might not ever be 100% better, there may always be that 'twinge' if you bend a certain way.

Being in a psychiatric hospital is no different. Hospital for those who have a mental illness provide a place of safety. They reduce risk and stabilise, most of the time through medication. When someone leaves a psychiatric hospital, they're in no way completely better. Leaving hospital is usually the start of the therapeutic journey, perhaps through taking therapies and/or adjustments to medication. Many individuals can find it difficult to adjust from a hospital environment to 'home life' again. I myself struggled with the transition - I was once again responsible for when and what I ate, remembering my medications and generally looking after myself. So be patient, be kind and expect more bad days than good at first. In my case, a lot of my days have involved way too many carbohydrates and duvet days, but I am starting to recognise my better days where I can clean the house or visit a friend. But the illness is far from gone and I consider the next part of my journey (therapeutic programmes) to perhaps be the toughest. I am now responsible for battling the demons on my own, and while I feel stronger, it doesn't mean I'm able to take the world back upon my shoulders. 

9. Lastly - never, ever, give up on them.

I'll admit it - since I left hospital, I've been a hermit. Some days I haven't wanted to talk to anyone. Friends and family may text me and I just have no energy to reply, or sometimes I just don't feel emotionally well enough to do so. 

At times like this is when someone who's just left hospital may need you to have patience and be kind. Offer to come over and make a cuppa, or invite them over to you. Just don't be offended if they don't reply straight away or say no. I also have to cancel things last minute which riddles me with guilt, so I'm certain other people probably feel the same! In those cases, reassure the individual that it's not a problem but encourage to rearrange for another time if possible. 

But don't give up - be there when you can and remember it's the little things that mean the most. A phone call, a cup of tea, a text can all make someone's day. 

If you have any other ideas about what has helped for you or someone you now, please leave a comment!

- x -

The wanderer returns.

June is the last time I blogged - eek!

I've wanted to blog for weeks and weeks but I've not been able to find the words and the time. My summer didn't go how I hoped for it to at all and so blogging was just a no-go. It's a shame, I thought I was starting to get back with it a little but alas, life got in the way.

So where have I been?

Throughout July, I found my mental health deteriorated. I found my sleep patterns to be... well... not much of a pattern and more a jumble of naps. My appetite went up and down - one minute I would have bitten your arm off if you've tried to take my carbs away from me, the next minute I found myself skipping meals and instead living off of caffeine. I managed to get a new job though which had given me some focus. I loved the people I worked with and I thought things would balance out eventually. I planned to work hard over the summer, get some money behind me and go back with more of a level head for university in September.

August got worse though. I was being seen by a local Wellbeing Service which I didn't feel was doing me any favours. I didn't seem to be working on anything and I felt as though I wasn't really being heard. As ever, I ended up just taking a small tree of paper away from me, but as I said to the therapist, I had no concentration or focus to be able to sit and read it. Everything was spiralling. My anxiety had taken over, my Panic Monster was gobbling me up and the OCD made everything, especially eating, extremely difficult. A dark cloud was over my head and whilst most of the time I can recognise some rays of sunshine poking through, this time there was just darkness. And it loomed closer and closer to me, to the point where I felt consumed. It was then I lost all hope and I couldn't really recognise what I was doing.

Friday 14th August is a day I won't forget. I'm not going into any detail because I don't see it necessary and it pains me to talk about. But it was terrible, and painful, and very very scary. I ended up being admitted to hospital and spending three weeks there. My birthday fell on the 17th August, and whilst I was grateful to have so many people around me, it was bittersweet. I woke up expecting my other half to be next to me in bed whilst I opened my cards, my little dogs jumping all over the bed and just generally being a wonderful nuisance but instead I'd had little to no sleep and everything was making me cry.

So I got discharged 3rd September and here we are. No one warns you about coming home and how alien it can feel. But I'm slowly getting there, adjusting to 'normal' life. There's not much of a routine at the moment, I take each moment as it happens, and I still find it difficult to sit and merely recover. I've been told this is what is good for me though, rest, taking it easy - I guess the same as you'd expect to be told if you'd left general hospital. Some days I want company, other days I don't want to see or hear from anyone. Perhaps the most difficult decision that has been made since I have left is to take a year out from university. It's extremely heartbreaking to watch as this illness has taken away the things I have loved, to sap the enjoyment out of everything.

But thankfully, there is an ounce of hope in there somewhere I believe. I am thankful for my family who have stood by me at my darkest hour. I have fallen in love with my boyfriend all over again as he sat with me in hospital for hours on end, trying to make me smile when all I wanted to do was hide away from the world. I've even got the chance to go back to my job full time which is a great opportunity to progress and earn some much needed pennies in the meantime.

So in a very small nutshell, there is my story of where I've been since June. I plan to blog more, as a release and as a focus. I'd like the opportunity for it to grow, to help others perhaps. If you have any suggestions as to what may help, please do let me know.

May I ask that if you have read this post and you are struggling to seek help. Don't let it get to crisis point because however much hospital can keep you safe, it is not a place for recovery and I wouldn't wish the experience on anyone. There are support lines out there, forums, even apps that allow you to talk to someone, anyone. Sometimes speaking to a stranger is actually the saving grace. Don't suffer alone, please.