But what do you say to someone who's in a psychiatric hospital? What do you 'do'? It's strange but not many people know in my personal opinion. Heck, if I'm honest, would I have known what to do if it was someone else in my shoes? I'm not sure. It's not like a general hospital where you go in, get a clear cut diagnosis and receive treatment (note - I'm not suggesting being in a general hospital is any easier!).
This little blog post is dedicated to what I think may help to do when someone you love is on a psychiatric ward...
1. Send a get well card (or even just a small note they can keep).
Being in hospital is extremely lonely. The walls are bare, the rooms are tiny and you don't have all those home comforts you're used to. So if someone you know is staying in a psychiatric hospital, send them a get well card or a note they can pop up on their wall.
I was very lucky and had some beautiful pictures and photos sent to me. It made so much of a difference waking up and them being the first thing I see each day. The picture below was one of many sent by my cousin.
2. Appreciate that sometimes they may not be up to visitors.
Night checks four times an hour. Very early mornings. Medication changes that make you tired one minute and buzzy the next. It can be exhausting being on a psychiatric ward and sometimes, all that someone might need is their bed and some rest. Don't be offended by this - if this individual was ill from the flu or was on strong painkillers that made them drowsy for a physical ailment, we wouldn't think twice about leaving them to recuperate.
3. Don't keep them out of the loop about what's going on 'outside'.
Keeping someone who is in hospital out of the loop about what's been happening with the family, how things have been at work or even what you've been up to may be considered as patronising for someone in hospital. If things are changing 'outside' then keep them updated with the intention to avoid any unsettling surprises for when they leave hospital. This comes with a side note, mind you - if what you have to say could be particularly detrimental to their recovery, then perhaps discuss with the individuals closest family member first, or even a member of staff in the hospital.
My ward had Peer Support Workers who were approachable and a valuable tool for friends and family who visited me, particularly as they would be able to provide a listening ear and advice where appropriate. You can find out more about Peer Support by clicking here.
4. Consider getting involved with activities with them (if appropriate and available!).
Most wards will have puzzles, art tools or maybe even outdoor walks for inpatients. It can be a lovely experience to do an activity with a loved one who's in a psychiatric unit as a reminder that you can still share a good time together despite the environmental situation. Plus, days on wards can seem long if you're a patient, so it's a great way to pass time, stay active, and hopefully there will be some smiling in the process. It could even be as simple an act as watching the TV together and having a hug.
Puzzles are my new found hobby all thanks to being in hospital. When my family visited, I was often stuck in the midst of one, surrounded by puzzle pieces with my concentration face on. I found getting lost in them incredibly therapeutic (though on bad days I found myself quick to get angry with them!) and I've continued to do puzzles since leaving. Below is a picture of me in hospital with my sister getting stuck in to the puzzle (and subsequently nearly finishing it...) and her girlfriend.
5. It's okay to ask how they are - just don't expect the response you'd hoped for.
I was lucky - my family are relatively open about my mental illnesses now and I've started to find it easier to open up to them about how I'm truly feeling without them judging me. But for others, it's not as straightforward. The impression I get is that some people just don't want to ask if a loved one on a psychiatric unit is okay. Or if they do, they expect a 'yeah, not bad, you know' and a swift move on. But please ask. And ask each time. But only if you are prepared for a genuine response. Some individuals may not want to open up about how they're feeling and instead, they merely want to enjoy your company. Accept and respect that. But also accept that sometimes, an individual may turn around and go 'no actually, I've been feeling a bit crap and I'm not sure what to do about it.' At that point, go grab a cuppa and listen.
6. Get the facts.
Leading on from number five... there's nothing wrong with doing a bit of research if you feel it will help. There's fantastic resources on the Time To Change website to help start those initial conversations about mental health. If you want to know more about a certain medication, the NHS Choices website has a guide to medicines and drugs. Perhaps you want to understand a loved ones diagnosis? Mind has an invaluable guide to different types of mental health problems as well as lots of other useful tools across their site.
It's a bit cliché for some, but I believe in it - knowledge is power. Knowing more about a loved ones illness can potentially provide comfort to both you and the individual who's going through it.
7. Let's be honest - now's probably not a good time to go in and talk about your issues.
Right. This one might seem a bit harsh, but it has to be said. Going in and talking to a loved one about your problems probably isn't going to be too helpful for a loved one in hospital. Hospital in itself, for a lot of people, is actually a traumatic experience. Not only are they having to deal with being particularly unwell but they're also in a strange environment and having to cope with that. Being burdened with someone else's dilemmas can be extremely unhelpful, and in some cases, harmful to their recovery. One thing that I'm slowly starting to learn is that self-care is not selfish, and instead necessary for survival. Many individuals in hospital will be learning the same thing with many therapeutic programmes encouraging self-care and spending the time to look after oneself as a priority.
8. Leaving hospital does not mean 'cured'.
If you break your leg, you go to hospital. When you leave, is that leg better? No. Sure there may be pain relief to make it easier, but now you have a cast on for six weeks, potentially some physio for the next few months. Heck, your leg might not ever be 100% better, there may always be that 'twinge' if you bend a certain way.
Being in a psychiatric hospital is no different. Hospital for those who have a mental illness provide a place of safety. They reduce risk and stabilise, most of the time through medication. When someone leaves a psychiatric hospital, they're in no way completely better. Leaving hospital is usually the start of the therapeutic journey, perhaps through taking therapies and/or adjustments to medication. Many individuals can find it difficult to adjust from a hospital environment to 'home life' again. I myself struggled with the transition - I was once again responsible for when and what I ate, remembering my medications and generally looking after myself. So be patient, be kind and expect more bad days than good at first. In my case, a lot of my days have involved way too many carbohydrates and duvet days, but I am starting to recognise my better days where I can clean the house or visit a friend. But the illness is far from gone and I consider the next part of my journey (therapeutic programmes) to perhaps be the toughest. I am now responsible for battling the demons on my own, and while I feel stronger, it doesn't mean I'm able to take the world back upon my shoulders.
9. Lastly - never, ever, give up on them.
I'll admit it - since I left hospital, I've been a hermit. Some days I haven't wanted to talk to anyone. Friends and family may text me and I just have no energy to reply, or sometimes I just don't feel emotionally well enough to do so.
At times like this is when someone who's just left hospital may need you to have patience and be kind. Offer to come over and make a cuppa, or invite them over to you. Just don't be offended if they don't reply straight away or say no. I also have to cancel things last minute which riddles me with guilt, so I'm certain other people probably feel the same! In those cases, reassure the individual that it's not a problem but encourage to rearrange for another time if possible.
But don't give up - be there when you can and remember it's the little things that mean the most. A phone call, a cup of tea, a text can all make someone's day.
If you have any other ideas about what has helped for you or someone you now, please leave a comment!
- x -
